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Children's well-being is paramount in divorce
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Published: July 5, 2009
Unfortunately, divorce has become a common and reoccurring aspect of life these days. Therefore, the greatest gift that can be given to the children of divorcing parents is solicitous, loving, unselfish interest. It is paramount to keep in mind that their hearts and minds are hurting. While their sense of stability is shattering around them, it is the responsibility of the parents to give them a sense of wholeness to ensure a healthy psyche.
Divorce can manifest itself with negative side effects on the children of divorce who are being brought along for the unfortunate ride. The age, gender and the personality type of the children play a role in what the ultimate repercussions might be. It can reveal itself in plummeting grades, low self-esteem, relationship issues, anxiety and depression.
It is a shame that in this day and time the words, "children" and "divorce" are so frequently intertwined. Children are the unfortunate, innocent victims of divorce. Statistics show that half of American children will be swept up in divorce and they will witness the destruction of their family.
Forty percent of children are living in homes without the presence of a father. Fifty percent of these children of divorce run the risk of developing health problems — physical and psychological.
It is each parent's duty to understand that they have the power and control of sheltering the children from having to witness bitterness and conflict in the household. In today's society of ever-increasing stress and pressure, it is essential that these children have the primary focus and attention to their needs.
Even if it is an acrimonious divorce, it is still each parent's responsibility to preserve the healthiness of the psyches' of the innocent children. Some thoughts to ponder for the preservation of their mental health:
- It is crucial that the parents sit down together to explain to the children that it is not the children's fault. If at all possible, it is a gift to the child if they know that their parents are still friends. It is paramount that unkind words should never be spoken about the other parent to the children. That is the greatest gift you can give your children.
- Maintain a steady physical presence for your children and make their needs the most important aspect. Unselfishness is crucial.
- Try to keep the atmosphere in the house upbeat and moving smoothly. Keep a sense of humor. Laughter has healing powers. Children have an innate need to see their parents being happy. Encourage the other spouse to be a vital part of their lives. Remind yourself that the children of divorce need the normalcy of interaction. The only exception would be if the children face an unsafe environment.
- Children run the risk of losing their sense of self through divorce. It is crucial to find ways to encourage the building of their self-esteem. One effective activity is to write positive complimentary notes about them. Place it under their pillow every night and they will wake up to read affirmative words about themselves. A compliment is a cheerful way to start the day for a child with a hurting heart.
- If you see signs of negative reactions such as withdrawing from family and friends or displaying anger, then these issues need to be addressed professionally. It will be an effective outlet for the children to express their true emotions. Teachers should be notified, as well, so that they can pay close attention to their needs.
- Grandparents can offer comforting and fun outlets for children and divorce. Make certain that they know it is important to not be unkind about the other spouse to the children.
Make a positive commitment to always keep your child's healthiness in mind. It will carry them for a lifetime and will enable them to grow into fine adults with coping mechanisms that enable them to adapt to future adversity. Just remember that the well-being of your children's psyches needs to begin the moment that divorce is inevitable. They will foster a chance at peaceful resolution through the strife of a breaking up of a family.
Your children will at least have the probability of growing into healthy adults with a strong sense of self. That will only happen if you make them your No. 1 priority. The happiness of the children of divorce is the parents' responsibility and it all boils down to the beauty of "unconditional love." So pave a healthy path for them because you love them. That is the bottom line.
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