Program helps prepare foster parents

Barium Springs Home for Children is working to unite caring, loving adults with children in crisis.

As part of that effort, the nonprofit hosted a "Foster Parent Training" at The Cove in Mooresville last week.

Marc Murphy, director of the Foster Care program, and Sara Dillon, care coordinator for the Foster Care unit, provided information about the program and offered suggestions to the participants. The class was the first in a six-week series so the foster parents could get their required 40 hours of training.

"We're going to be a support system for all of you and cover as much as we can," said Murphy. "Most of our children come from abuse and neglect, and it takes a special person to take them in. The experience of a foster parent will bring a lot of joy, but there will be some difficulties. This might not be for everyone, so we won't pressure you in any way. The best person to decide if you can do this is you."

Murphy said he and Dillon would speak about both fostering and adoption since "their paths cross" and one can often lead to the other.

"We currently have two families that have been fostering children and that has lead to their adoption," he said. "We can explore together what is right for you. Some foster parents go into this knowing they will never adopt, and that's perfectly OK. We try to reunite families as much as possible, and typically that's what happens, but if that's not possible, we will provide them with a safer environment until we can find them a forever home."

Currently, the biggest need is for foster parents who are willing to keep sibling groups together and to take in teens.

One of the main things that the Barium Springs Home for Children staff looks for is professionalism and presentation in foster parents.

"I have always been irritated at the image portrayed in Hollywood of the typical foster parent," Murphy said. "They're always mean, abusive, using the kids and in it for the money. It's a common misperception and it's a stigma we're constantly working against. We request and demand that you represent yourself well and become an advocate for the kids."

Dillon explained the difference between adoption and fostering, and the right children have while being fostered.

"Fostering is a temporary placement that puts a child in a better situation," she said. "Of course, a child grows up best in a permanent home but no one can guarantee that will happen. The birth parents are always the first choice, since they give you identity and a sense of belonging."

Barium Springs tries to make the transition to a foster home as easy as possible, by making sure the child can have information about their birth family, know where their siblings are and remain in contact with their family when possible.

"Children come to us, mainly from social workers, turned in by family members, police officers or sometimes by teachers or neighbors that have made reports," Dillon said. "They come to Barium Springs because it is suspected that they have been abused, neglected, abandoned, sometimes there is a parent in jail or they are abusing substances, (or) the child's behavior might be too much for the caregiver, they've been emotionally maltreated or it might be a financial issue, which I've personally seen more and more."

Neglect is the leading reason that children are in foster care, and Dillon said the neglect often stems from substance abuse or mental health problems.

"Kids will come to your home feeling scared, worried, ashamed or embarrassed, stressed, possibly hungry, angry, rejected, mistrustful and sad," she said. "They might keep their distance from you, be guarded or withdrawn, be physically aggressive, test limits, be emotional or clingy, constantly worried or depending on where they came from, they may hoard food if they were often going hungry from neglect or because of their financial situation."

Best friends Candi Garcia and Leigh Willis attended the class to learn more and become foster parents.

"Leigh told me about the class when she saw it in a Cove pamphlet and I had already been talking about doing something like this for awhile," Garcia said. "This class is friendly and fun and I like how everything is broken down simply."

Willis said her children had been in foster care when they were younger and this was her way of giving back to the system.

"The need for foster care is definitely still out there," she said. "I like that this class is a small group, so they can work with us individually and answer all of our questions."

For more information about fostering or the classes, call (704) 872-4157, Ext 230.